Listen To Your Body

It’s been 151 days, 5 months, since my gut wrenching ( literally ) surgery, a surgery to rectify a significant injury that I had for 16 years; 16 years of suffering through what I thought was my normal, have now finally come to an end! I chose to have complete confidence in my surgeon, those taking care of me and most importantly, myself. Much like a sports team, I was fixated on the win which inspired my team to perform their best.

January and February were a challenge and quite dark. March and April were enjoyed by movement and eating again. May, going into June,  have been an absolute joy and pleasure, filled with new appreciations.

It has been a crazy ride and has given me lots of time to reflect. I read somewhere that performing surgery is similar to fixing a computer; turn it off, open it up, do some rearranging and/or replacing, close it back up, and turn it back on.

Here are some reflections on my own improved personal central processing unit (CPU):

• It is good to have down time. We all need it. It allowed me time to focus on optimism and the outcome of my recovery.
• I have learned to ask for a lot of support and rely on others to allow me the time to fully and properly heal.

• Everyday, I can help myself by creating positive thoughts and beautiful surroundings, reminding myself that my thoughts and my environment cause my feelings.
• I won’t compare myself to others in similar situations, I will learn from them. The only thing I am better at than others is being me and figuring out what I am gifted at and what I will perform at.
• I’m not alone. Deciding to tell this story has helped so many others who, subsequently reached out and asked more questions. Others kept me motivated and guided me with their own experiences and tips. This I am grateful for.
• I realize my CPU is so much stronger than I ever thought.  Walking into the 6 hour surgery alone because of COVID restrictions was very difficult. I was overcome with tears of anxiety and felt sick to my stomach. I pushed through and dove deep to muscle up the courage.

• Mood swings can be part of my life now which may include depression, fear, anxiety, loneliness, helplessness and maybe even, anger. I will, however, choose and fight to focus on being happy, calm and connected knowing I am doing the best that I can.

• Patience and acceptance set my moral compass for the months of complications and recovery. The pain was terrible. The exhaustion brought me to a complete stop. I couldn’t eat, move or talk.

• There are good days and bad days. Crying is ok. Somedays you need to go backwards in order to move forward.

151 days later, my motherboard is upgraded! I can now walk for a long time, even jog. I have re-introduced tennis and pickel ball, bought an elliptical, started doing weights and core workouts again. My eating seems to have changed as I’m completely off some of my favourite foods and drinks. Sleep is ok not great. The new belly and scar…..coming along nicely.

I finally have a new normal. I have new processes involving my personal pledges to nutrition, fitness, awareness and happiness.

It has been an emotional roller coaster. Patience and acceptance will continue to be my best friends to get me through, what doctors say, will be a year for a full recovery. More follow ups scheduled for years to come as I listen to my body.

Listen to your body and don’t EVER second guess anything you may think you are experiencing or going through. Keep punching through until you are satisfied you have been heard.

So thank you for letting me spill my heart out these past months.
Thank you to my Rockstar friends and family near and afar who supported me.

People need real, not perfect .
I hope I gave that to you.